It’s no secret that the Internet and social media have changed how we connect, turning every moment into a spectacle. Birthdays don’t seem to count unless we post each other’s stories. Relationships aren’t official until the infamous “hard launch” drops, revealing a significant other’s face for the first time. We’ve built a world where Instagram isn’t just part of how we connect – it’s the connection.
I can no longer count how many times I’ve handed someone my phone with the Instagram search bar open to have them add their information. From then on, I have spent months (and even years in some cases) watching the lives of people I barely know through a tiny screen in my hand. There are people whose stories I watch regularly who I wouldn’t recognize on the street and who probably wouldn’t recognize me either. We don’t know each other, and, unlike on some earlier media sites, we can’t even pretend we’re “friends.” We’re “followers.”
Online connections can be just as strong as in-person ones. I’ve made friends this way before and am not at all knocking those who do. As I learn to be an adult, I look at the adults in my life and how I’ve seen them connect. My parents are active on social media, primarily to send and see pictures of cousins. I have been able to maintain friendships with people who live on opposite coasts and cities I have yet to visit. Our lives are still entwined with the help of story posts and tagged photos, but we don’t really know each other. It has been years since we’ve seen each other and just as long since we’ve had a real conversation. As we age, we grow apart and know each other less and less. But I have felt this same phenomenon of distance with people who live less than 10 miles from me.
What was once an in-person-first system of community is now an internet-first system. I have more people’s Instagram accounts than I have their phone numbers. This is especially disheartening on a campus with hundreds of “sisters.” We talk and organize ourselves through flyers we post on our stories and question whether or not we are close enough with one another to actually attend these gatherings. Are we really close friends or just on each other’s “Close Friends” lists?
I am not sure how to fix this. I have been doing my best to use my phone less in general, especially regarding how I communicate with people. I have started to write more letters and host casual hang-outs in my home, extending invitations to those who have only been in the classroom/wave across the oval/side-hug in the cafe. I want to have more friends, real friends, people I can call and invite anywhere and who feel they can do the same. I want a connection that means something, not just another notification.
